The Blurb

Both ski socks and flip flops are pretty everyday objects (if you are the kind of exciting person who, like me, likes to go to snowy mountains and tropical beaches, not if you are a boring recluse). Most of what I write about will, I suspect, seem slightly crazy to your average 'vanilla'. But, to me, kink is so integrated into my life that I sometimes don't notice that it is a bit odd.

Ski socks and flip flops are also both totally contradictory to each other. This, in part, reflects the fact that I go by the online psuedonym 'Walking Oxymoron'. But it also explains me very well. I do not look like someone who you might imagine to be a sexual deviant. When out and about, I don't act any differently from anyone else. In fact, I like to think that I appear fairly innocent and demure.

This blog is about the other side of me - my dark side. Specifically, the emotional side of it. Behind the whips and canes and other fun things is a variety of very normal 'vanilla' feelings. They just choose to display themselves in some unconventional places...

Wednesday 12 January 2011

Orwellian Fantasies

This is something that I have been wanting to try for a while, but I really don't see any way of every making it a reality which is very sad. But I am secretly hoping that someone might read this who may have an idea of how to make it happen! I also have never come across anyone else who has similar fantasies, so I would be very interested to hear the opinions of others on this one.

So. I am thinking along the lines of 1984. I live by a set of protocols that I accept without understanding, set by some abstract being that I am aware of but do not know. This being sets a strict routine designed to prevent me from thinking. The system is set up so that I am afraid of thinking because I am afraid of the unknown - I know that I will be taken away and horrible things will happen if I commit Thoughtcrime, but I don't know what they are. I want to recreate the psychological fear of Room 101. I live constantly aware that there is some intangible being watching my every move, but feeling like there must be a way around it, I must be able to secretly find a way to break this strict regime. Eventually I crack, I can't follow the routine any more, I have to allow myself some time for me, some time when I can think about what I am doing. I get away with it for a short period of time, but I know that, now that I have committed Thoughtcrime, I will inevitably end up in Room 101. I just don't know how long I will have to wait. Eventually I am found. This is where the fantasy runs out. I know that, when I get to Room 101, I really want to feel anticipation, fear, and eventually to be broken. But it wouldn't make sense for me to know how that will happen - that would ruin the whole game.
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